it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.