No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?