one two three fourrrrnication!
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
When did we convert life to cartoon?
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Randomize
