He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
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This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
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Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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