Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable