Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?