Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"