Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
