the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
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