Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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