Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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