Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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