So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
