Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
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I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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