to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
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