my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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