So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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