four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize