If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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