Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
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i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
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My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
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