When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
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you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
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It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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