Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
