He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
