just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
