I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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