Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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