Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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