So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I miss vodka workout Fridays
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mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
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Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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