They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
