That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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