when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
