if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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