We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Go christen that room with your naked body.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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