is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
