May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize