im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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