I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
