You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Randomize
