Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
