I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
i just made my gag reflex go away.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
