I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
