the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
