I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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