I'll bet she douches with gravy.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
