hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
