OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
