i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
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Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
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I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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