I accidentally had phone sex last night
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
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