also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I need to stop coming to work sober
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
