is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?