He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Keanu Reeves Photobombed A Couple’s Wedding Photos As A Perfect Gift
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
29 Married People Share What They Used To Find Cute About Their SO—But Now Find Infuriating
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?