he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up