I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
Here’s Why Hotel Photos On Travel Websites Are A Complete Hoax
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...