I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
