Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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