cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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